Answering the Call of Our Lives
and the reckoning we must do.
I'm grateful that I decided not to let fear be a place I rested in—this doesn't mean that I'm never scared. Actually, it's the opposite. I'm often terrified. But I've chosen not to allow dread to keep me stuck in a place I don't want to be. When I first leaned into desiring to become a professional writer ten years ago, no one quite knew what the hell I was talking about. And while I've always been a writer at heart, it was always used as an outlet for my own personal reflection and imagination. Words have been my companion since childhood. It was a different type of relationship and wasn't written for public consumption. My poetry, short stories, and dreams were mine and mine alone. I didn't start sharing my work until my early twenties. In 2013, I self-published my very first collection of work and had no idea it would catapult me into the career I have today. Doing things scared started for me that year. Over time, I had to come to terms with people around me, not understanding my drive or dream. That alone became a lesson in answering the call of my life and choosing not to allow the fear of others to take hold of my soul and keep me stuck.
Answering the call of our lives will require a lot out of us. We will have to reckon with being misunderstood and, at times, not supported. Early on, I had to learn to release the habit of over-explaining to people what my plan or next step was. Not allowing outsiders to bear witness to my dream place was necessary for me to hear the call of my life, and protect my peace. Many people couldn't grasp or understand the path I was on. And in their uncertainty about the life I wanted to create, their doubt and fears emerged. Almost like they were terrified for me on my behalf for taking a risk on myself. The truth was I was scared enough on my own. I didn't need extra fear at the table I was trying to set.
There was so much stacked against me—taking an untraditional path, dropping out of college, being a single mother at the time, not knowing the next steps—it felt daunting to me. And more times than not, it felt overwhelming to me. It didn't make sense why I was being called to take on a new path and share my story to serve the greater good. I felt chosen to do this work, but I also often questioned why me. For years, I ignored the call. Before my career came to be, I was being begged to look in the direction I was being tugged. I would have vivid dreams about my life and purpose. At first, I thought this pull was just a tap on the shoulder to try something new creatively. But then I started hearing from trusted friends that I needed to show up in my life in a new way—to share my story, hopes, shortcomings, and successes. Essentially, I was being asked to share the dream. Everything I created in my mind and heart felt so out of reach, but the call would not go away until I surrendered to it.
I was listening to a song with my friend recently, and at the end, the artist sings You are who you think you are. My friend started crying and sniffling, and my eyes started getting teary. Through the silence and sniffles, I knew we were feeling similarly. For so long, we were told we are not who we think we are. We cannot be who we think we are, and how dare we think we can be anything more than what we are. But looking back and then zooming into the lives we both have today—we know who we are, and we are confident enough to set the table of our lives how we see fit.
If I hadn't answered the call telling me that I could do this, that my voice matters, I wouldn't be here today. And while this path hasn't been easy or seamless—and even though I wanted to give up, multiple times in the beginning, middle, and sometimes even now, I'm so glad that I didn't and haven't. There's always doubt lingering—doubt and fear are related. The goal isn't to silence my self-doubt or be fearless. The goal is to look them both in the face, get up and answer the call of my life.
The call is courage.
The call is hope.
The call is trusting the strength of your story.
The call is to see yourself from new views and angles.
The call is to know that your life isn't an accident.
If we don't start answering the calls in our lives, big or small, we will suffocate.
One thing that I am committed to dismantling within my lineage is the hold that fear has had on the women in my life, the women I come from. Fear has kept so many people we love stuck, silenced, and small. I don't want to leave this Earth, feeling like my dreams never manifested—feeling like pieces of the dream were not acquired. I want to leave this Earth feeling held by my own intuition and self-trust. Fear cannot be the driver of my life if I want this to happen. The call of my life asks me to be brave, get up, and do the things that no one thought I could do, even myself. I am grateful for self-commitment, and for cultivating a life that I never knew I would see.
I don't think any of our journeys are by accident. I don't think the challenges that present themselves are by mistake. I've learned on this path in life that we don't get to choose our family or circumstances—and even with that being true, we do get opportunities to choose how we want to live while we are here.
To anyone reading this and feeling stuck in life, feeling stuck in a job, feeling stuck in a bad relationship, feeling stuck in old bad habits, feeling stuck in seemingly unbreakable cycles—if you are being called to change and shift into a new direction, look up. Take your power back. Set your own table by creating the life you want. By allowing baby steps to matter just as much as the big steps. We can decide to do things differently. It doesn't matter if it's about our career, our relationships, how we eat, think, or raise our kids—each shift and change into growth heals, not only ourselves but generations to come after us.
Community Questions (leave a comment):
What is calling for your attention?
Do you have a dream, if so, what is it?
What has gratitude taught you about not giving up on yourself?
I wanted to thank you for sharing this.. It speaks volumes to me and about me... it is as if you've always known me.. how can that be?!
... nevertheless, I am grateful..
"If we don't start answering the calls in our lives, big or small, we will suffocate..." and "Fear has kept so many people we love stuck, silenced, and small." Thank you for these words of wisdom and encouragement. Thank you for the journaling prompts that are your community questions. Glad to be able to be reading your writing here. Thank you.