Choosing Myself at 35
reclaiming my identity and embracing my life
On July 25th, I turned 35. I feel more certain, confident, and clear than I've felt in a long time. At the top of this year, I promised to re-prioritize myself and commit to being and feeling my best in mind, body, and spirit. I did not want to keep moving myself to the bottom of my list. Over the past five years, that's exactly what I've done. I've tried not to get caught in that cycle, but like so many other folks, I did. In the midst of having kids back to back, raising kids, being a partner, and working hard, I feel like the last five years have been a whirlwind of being in limbo. At 35, I finally feel like I am truly returning to myself. My little kids are older, my oldest kid is emerging into young adulthood, my career is settled, and my husband and I are finally getting back to feeling autonomous.
At the beginning of 2024, I told myself that I would not walk into my 35th year with extra weight, not just on my body but in my life. I set out to get back into my physical fitness and mindfulness practice. Since January 17th, I've lost almost 20 pounds and three pant sizes by biking on the Peloton 3-4 times a week, walking daily (still), being more intentional about my food choices, and squeezing in strength training. My body at 35 ain’t what it was at 25—which is not a bad thing. I’m grateful to grow, change, and age. It’s a blessings that I do not take for granted. However, this new age bracket requires a new way of being in more ways than one. My walks these days have served as moving meditation, each step bringing me closer to clarity and certainty—to mental strength and physical gentleness. Listening to the Dharma talks of Pema Chödrön has been landing differently during this season of my life, too. All around, I feel like choosing myself and my well-being has become a ritual and practice of emotional and mental fitness.
Reflecting on this journey, I realize now more than ever the importance of self-nurturing this season and its profound impact on every aspect of my life. By prioritizing my well-being, I've found more energy and patience to be a better parent, partner, and professional. The clarity I've gained from my mindfulness practices has helped me navigate daily challenges with more ease and grace. This renewed sense of self has improved my physical health, lowered the stress in my body, and strengthened my emotional resilience and mental clarity. It's also helped me check in with myself about the company I keep and pay closer attention to who is aligned and who is not.
As much as I hate to admit it, I have been settling a lot over the past couple of years, trying to find my footing while staying in spaces I knew were not supportive.
Finding our way is hard when we're emotionally stuck in certain habits, relationships, and environments.
Choosing to unstick myself required that I look at my life and connections holistically to understand where I truly wanted to go. Turning 35 feels like a significant milestone, a turning point where I've reclaimed my identity and embraced a more balanced and fulfilling way of life.
Committing to my well-being is no longer a fleeting resolution or temporary change but a deeply ingrained part of my lifestyle. This journey of self-reclamation and growth has reminded me that taking care of myself is necessary. Even though I know this, it's easy to forget. It enables me to show up more fully and authentically in every area of my life. As I continue on this path, I am dedicated to maintaining inner harmony and nurturing my mind, body, and spirit. I am excited about the future and the possibilities ahead, knowing I have the tools and mindset to face whatever emerges during this next chapter of life. So far, this year has been transformative, and I am grateful for the lessons learned and the strength gained. At 35, I am more aligned with who I am and who I want to be, and I look forward to the journey ahead with renewed hope and determination.
I understand more clearly now that self-prioritization is an ongoing practice, not just about choosing ourselves in the moment. Each day, we must recommit to our well-being—whether through a mindful walk, a nourishing meal, or a quiet moment of reflection. The micro-moments matter and can turn into the big moments that shape us. Learning to listen to our body and mind, honor our needs, and respond to the challenges in life with compassion and care is self-love. Remembering and practicing this has brought a profound sense of peace and fulfillment that I hadn't realized I was missing.
The support from my family and close friends has been invaluable during this time. My husband has been my rock, encouraging me to take time for myself and reminding me of the importance of my personal growth. The sister-friends in my life have cheered me on during my fitness journey and have made space for me to reflect on the things I've been coming up with in my moments of alone time. My daughters, too, have been my motivators, reminding me daily why being the best version of myself is essential. They are watching, and that makes every effort worthwhile.
Looking back, I see that the past five years, though challenging, have been a necessary part of my journey. They have taught me resilience, patience, and the importance of self-compassion. I am proud of my progress and excited for what the future holds. As I step into this new chapter, I carry with me the lessons of the past and the strength I've gained, ready to embrace whatever comes my way with an open heart and a determined spirit. Turning 35 is not just a celebration of another year of life but also of metamorphosis, transformation, and unwavering commitment to myself. I am grateful for every experience, challenge, and victory that has brought me to this season. Here's to many more years of living fully, loving deeply, and embracing self-trust.
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Dear Alex,
You are way ahead at 35 where I was when I was 35. That was 52 years ago. When I was 35, I had shifted gears big time at 31, so I had just finished 4 years of graduate school, poor as a church mouse, with a wife and 3 kids all under 6. And no job, so I set about creating a new professional career and life, all over again. I love your "reclaiming your identity" and will tell you that I've been in the process of claiming without going back and reclaiming\, as I am glad to have left a lot behind. I believe we are always in the process of becoming more of who we are. When we set out to do that, consciously and intentionally, we have a much better chance of realizing some goals we set for our journey forward. Good on you, for you, and especially good for those around you. Keep going on this path. It's a great ride.
I loved this article so much. I did the same thing this year (I turned 36) but July threw me out of orbit through no fault of my own. As I come up to 36.5 years old, I’m reorienting myself and trying to get back to where I was.
Thanks for sharing your journey!