Today is my 32nd birthday. I thought I'd have some super deep reflections to share, but I don't really. Everything you'll read here is simple. The phrase getting back to basics has been transformative for me lately. As I look back on my life, what comes to mind the most prominently is how grateful I am to be alive—literally. Janel, a community member on Instagram, sent me a message saying, "So happy you were born." It made my eyes water. Those are words that took my breath away—what a kind and generous thing to say. There was a time where I wished I hadn't been born. There have been moments in my life where things felt too heavy for me to carry. And even in my struggle to maintain the world's weight, there were many moments where I refused to put them down. Because at one point in time, resilience meant holding on to things with a death grip and refusing to ease up. Needless to say, that was not sustainable.
Being in my power today has brought me immense clarity, grace, and discernment. Loosening my grip and trusting the path to feel at home in my body and content with my life walk has been long, challenging, beautiful, and rewarding. I am here—that is something to be celebrated. That is an embodied affirmation.
Last year, around this time, I was having a lot of inner dialog about who I am with or without certain things and what my identity is outside of my roles in life. I am more than my career. I am more than a mother and wife. I am so many things lumped into one. There is beauty in that. I also pondered on how I can be more honest with myself when life feels hard. Or when my roles feel all-encompassing and, at times, suffocating. I struggled with finding gratitude and being present. Sometimes I still do because that's a part of the human experience. A major life lesson for me in 2020 was trusting that I can gain clarity around my wants and needs even when gratitude feels like a long-lost friend. We will always find our way back to each other—it never fails. This lesson has been influential in my life over the past twelve months. Uncovering the whys of my life teaches me a lot about the gift of gratefulness and the importance of self-compassion and presence. I am offered a deeper understanding of myself through every ebb and flow. And while there are so many answers I still don't have, I am at ease knowing that they'll meet me one day and be exactly what I need at the moment.
Today, I am celebrating how far I've come by paying attention to what I often overlooked. I am more clear about how deserving I am to have a life filled with meaning—even when hardship arises. The practice of gratitude has been a radical act of self-awareness and redirection since I started this practice in November. Being consistent in the practice of paying attention has been a gift. It reminds me that I am on a steady path to a deeper connection to everything around me just by opening my eyes and being alive. Looking back at Janel's kind words, I can honestly say that today, I am happy that I was born too. I am on a steady path of unpacking and repacking my emotional suitcase and trusting that there is a lesson in each stumble, heartbreak, and disappointment. In each direction, I choose to be gracious. I choose to re-route to my path of gratitude for all that presents itself.
Today, I am grateful for:
Trusting myself enough to put some of my emotional baggage down.
Choosing not to carry my pain alone.
Believing that I could change and become better.
Becoming who I said I wanted to be.
Staying committed to my growth.
Not giving up on myself.
Letting people help me.
The pursuit of a clear mind.
Overcoming moments of self-doubt.
Self-love being a part of my life.
What a whirlwind these 32 years have been—what a blessing.
Today's community call to action is to:
Do this meditation (WK 7 of our Ritual Series)
Make a list of what deserves your celebration today.
Watch this.