When Doors Close...
Finding Gratitude and Trusting the Path
Life has a mysterious way of unfolding, often steering us down paths we never imagined, leading us to destinations more fulfilling than our initial desires. Many of us think that the plans we have for ourselves are THE PLANS. But I've learned on this journey that it's not a block to our progress when we encounter closed doors. At first glance, it may appear that way—but as time reveals, those very closures often lead us towards greater opportunities, teaching us the profound lesson of gratitude for what we once thought we wanted but ultimately missed us.
There have been moments in my life when I found myself yearning for a particular outcome, convinced that it was the key to my happiness or the next step toward my success. In those moments, closed doors felt like personal failures, leaving me disheartened and questioning my path. However, as time passed, I realized some doors were not meant to open for me. Some doors are shut, and sometimes even slammed, in my face for a reason. Those instances have been nudges from a Source greater than myself, guiding me toward a different, more aligned path.
Looking back, I am grateful for every closed door or rejection that greeted me at certain thresholds. The older I get, the more I trust that what is for me will not miss me. And what is not for me will miss me completely—even if I face some disappointment along the way. I am grateful for every roadblock—there are certain paths that would not have served me well, even if I didn’t always see it that way.
Every closed door has invited me to pause, reflect, and reexamine what I truly want, leading me to a more aligned and intentional life.
Don't get me wrong, accepting closed doors takes work. I spent many days and nights frustrated, unsure, and confused. There were many moments when I wanted to bust doors down completely and force my way in. Clarity didn't come immediately. Sometimes, I was wading between accepting what was for me and what wasn't.
The Lesson: Everything we want won't always find us or be for us.
One of my door-closed moments was in 2020 when my 5th book, After the Rain, came out. I wanted that book to hit the New York Times Bestsellers list—badly. That accolade felt like it would be a promotion of sorts in my career, no matter how vain it was to want it as bad as I did. Needless to say, it didn't hit the list. I was not only disappointed but also pissed for many reasons—which I won't go into right now. As you can imagine, writing anything, let alone a book, is a labor of love, a journey that requires dedication, perseverance, and unwavering belief in your work. Having the book I was most proud of not land on NYTBSL was discouraging. I questioned everything. Thoughts like:
-Does my story even matter?
-Am I even a good writer?
-People don't like me. They just want free content from social media.
-Nobody wants to read about joy and overcoming; they only want the struggle story.
Blal, blah, blah.
None of that was true. Instead of letting the truth be, You didn't make it this time. That door wasn't meant for you to walk through this season—I was in an irritated funk for way longer than I care to admit.
Looking back, not hitting the list was exactly what I needed to get back to my truth:
The doors that close or don't open for me do not dictate my worth or the quality of my work. Your book and life will still matter and be a success without the list.
After the Rain did beautifully in the world and still sells well today—four years later. So many folks have been impacted by it. Today, it's still my favorite out of everything I've written. It's been reprinted many times and translated into multiple languages. I earned out my six-figure advance, and I get very nice royalties from the continued sales. That collection of work did exactly what it was supposed to do, even if every door I wanted to open didn't.
As an author, I've grown to understand the rollercoaster of emotions accompanying the publishing process, particularly when a book doesn't achieve the initial success that's hoped for. I'm grateful that in this line of work, I've learned to find peace and patience while staying true to my path and trusting in the divine timing of my life.
Doors closing reminds us to turn inward for reflection and introspection—to find peace and patience in the now. It's an invitation to remember that external validation does not measure success. When we encounter experiences that disappoint us, make us question who we are, and even piss us off, the lesson can be—be still and know that you have grown and you're worthy regardless. There will be moments when we must take comfort in knowing that sometimes, the timing simply isn't right or that the door we are standing at isn't one for us to proceed through. In those moments, may we always remember that that doesn't diminish our value. This applies to relationships, careers, and everything else in between.
I hope we all learn to let go of the need for immediate success and embrace the idea that our journeys are unfolding exactly as they should.
Fast-forward to 2022, when How We Heal came out and landed on the New York Times Bestseller List. To get there, I toured seven cities in ten days, did a lot of media stuff, and was interviewed on podcasts. It was a lot. And yes, I was exhausted, but I was happy that after a decade of writing books, things finally shifted for me. The shift was that my worth was no longer tied to being a NYTBS author. The real victory was not in the accolade itself but in the journey of growth, patience, and resilience that had led me to that point. Not quitting after After the Rain took a lot. Deciding to keep going after having many doors shut and locked on me throughout my career and life was hard.
However, if I've learned anything about doors closing, it's to maintain faith in ourselves on whatever path we embark on. Our perseverance is necessary because rejection will always exist. Instead of giving up when a door is closed or forcing your way in—step back, breathe, and trust in divine timing. Finding peace and patience during times of disappointment allows us to grow, evolve, and ultimately achieve success in its truest form.
Gratitude for closed doors extends beyond personal experiences. It encompasses acknowledging a greater force at play, guiding us toward our purpose and highest good. It teaches us all to surrender to the flow of life, trusting that what is meant for us will always find its way, even if it takes a different route than anticipated.
Community Question: Share a time when a door closed or didn’t open for you. In hindsight, did gratitude show up? If so, how?
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First in foremost, I run to buy your books when they come out 🥰.. especially the last two… I am in a career struggle, I feel is the right word … and I continue to apply for jobs I know in my heart I’m qualified for. Doors continue to close , in the form of denial letters and emails.. With that said, I am currently working on building my faith and trusting God continuously, knowing that at the right time a door for me will open . When this door does open, I will be able to tell it was curated just for me .. such a great piece shared at the right time. 💜 Thank you 😊
Dear Alex, this was the most soothing and aligning of reads. I just forwarded it to my work email so I can re-read when necessary (most likely every day right now) to bring me out of utter frustration and back into a sense of trust and calmness. Thank you so much.
Also, your beautiful photos + lovely titles for each also brought much joy throughout. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous perspective, work, and thoughts!