Effort & Energy
The older I get, the more attuned I've become.
I find so much value in relationships where effort and energy is matched in healthy and reciprocal. In a world that often feels rushed and transactional, there's something deeply grounding about connecting with people who genuinely care, have space to meet you where you are, and create room for you to feel heard, seen, and valued.
In the context of relationships, for me, effort isn't just about grand gestures or constant communication. It's about the small, consistent acts of care and attention that remind you that you're not alone. It's the friend who checks in, not out of obligation, but because they truly want to know what's going on in your world. It's the partner who listens, not just to respond, but to understand. It's the colleague who acknowledges your contributions and makes sure your voice is included in the conversation.
Lately, I've been releasing the idea that I'm needy because I want to be cared for and seen deeply. Surface-level connections do nothing for my soul.
I spent years scratching the surface with people but not going deep in fear that I'd be too much, too fast, too soon. I've learned to let go of that. I'm no longer biting my tongue when it comes to asking for emotional intimacy. It's not too much, and neither am I.
Reciprocity feels sacred to me more than ever these days. Having people in my circle who give and receive equally has become a cornerstone connection. I can honestly say that my relationships feel balanced and harmonized for the first time in a long time. There's a sense of fairness and consideration that continues to foster trust and depth, and I am grateful. I spent many years in relationships where effort was not reciprocated, and it was like pouring water into a bottomless well. And I realized that no matter how much I gave or poured, it never felt like enough, and eventually, I was left drained and depleted. Being on the other side of that feels like an exhale—one I've been waiting to take.
On the other hand, when effort is matched, something beautiful happens. There's a natural flow, an ease in the connection that feels like coming home. Not having to second-guess people's intentions or wonder if they care as much as you do is a place of peace. This season, the people in my life are my forever friends. Our actions speak louder than words, and those actions consistently say, "I see you. I value you." I've waited all my life to arrive here—to feel grounded in my connections.
It feels good to be tending to relationships that are growing and blooming.
Emotional availability plays a crucial role in all of this. A major lesson for me over the past few years is that being physically present is not enough. There's also a need for emotional presence. We create fertile ground for our relationships by being open to vulnerability, allowing space for joy and discomfort, and being willing to engage in the sometimes messy work of real connection. Showing up, not just when it's convenient, but when it's sticky, messy, or hard, is deeply important to me.
The older I get, the more attuned I've become to the energy exchange with others. I've learned to prioritize relationships that offer clarity, consistency, peace, and mutual respect and to gently release those that don't. For me, this isn't about keeping score but recognizing that time, energy, and emotional well-being are precious, and they deserve to be met with the same level of care and consideration. Turning 35 this summer amplified this for me. This shift in perspective has brought me so much ease. I no longer feel the need to chase after connections, especially those that aren't aligned.
I’m choosing to focus on nurturing relationships where effort is reciprocated. I am staying close to people who make me feel valued and appreciated.
When I peel back the layers, I can see that the core of these connections enriches my life. My relationships remind me of the importance of being present for myself and others. In this season of my life, matching effort is a shared commitment to maintaining healthy and fulfilling connections. It's about recognizing the worth in each other and ensuring that worth is honored through our actions.
As I continue to grow and change, I hold this truth close:
I am worthy of strong bonds that are deeply nourishing. We all are.
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Hi Alex. I love this 💜
Many years ago, I made a powerful decision to let go of the toxic influences in my life. I realised that the people we surround ourselves with shape our destiny, so I chose to focus only on those who truly nourished my soul. I also try to avoid the superficial chatter, because a fulfilling life is about deep, meaningful, supportive connections.
One strategy I used was to create three distinct groups of friends, each aligned with different passions of mine. This allowed me to have rich, fulfilling conversations without the fear of judgment or embarrassment. By doing this, I made sure that I always had the right people in my life to support my journey and growth. We all meet up weekly or monthly, to keep our relationship strong.
George
Thank you for sharing words that reflect this season of our lives.