Thank you for this thoughtful piece. I’m going through a long time friend breakup right now, quietly. It’s felt so good and right for me giving myself the space and time to walk away without an explosion.
This is diagnostic—-and so rarely spoken: “You feel it when conversations start requiring a little more strategy than honesty. When you’re managing the dynamic instead of participating in it. When you leave interactions feeling off, even if nothing “bad” happened.”……And because it’s so rarely explained, it leaves us either stuck—or in guilt, if we dare to leave. Beautiful essay.
This road to authenticity is rough! Especially in that liminal space where you know things have changed, but you're not quite to the other side. Thank you friend. ♥️💋
I’ve definitely experienced the quiet friendship break ups, Meredith. I decided on those after I answered similar questions, Alex. Also, when I realized my boundaries weren’t being respected in one relationship and another friend didn’t invest the time in our friendship. As I’ve aged I realized I want friendships that lift me up, celebrate me and us, and have a mutual respect.
The gentleness and kindness with which you offer this counsel and observation helps me greatly! For weeks I've been carrying this feeling in my gut about a friend who recently moved away. How to live in this new setting, in which he is so far away geographically, while simultaneously being removed emotionally? Your words help me to release Don and myself, like two birds, to seek new paths.
“Gratitude and grief can coexist.” Oooof. That hit hard. I was thinking of reaching out to an old friend because I was remembering the good times and ignoring why we stopped talking. I’m glad I read this first. I’ll sit with grief and gratitude instead.
Beautifully written Alex. I remember feeling that way at dinner with a group of friends, no fights, no big blow up, just like I was sitting at the wrong table. Over the years I feel like this is how many of my friendships have ended, that gradual growth and different seasons have led to having nothing in common anymore. Not dramatic, but still sad to reflect on at times. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your words - always. I needed to read/ hear these. I am in the middle of an ending just like this - it imploded, quietly and I didn't even realise it until the last time we met and it felt so off in my body. Yes, perhaps we have reached capacity.
This resonates and is what I am sitting with "If you’re sitting with an ending that didn’t explode, didn’t implode, didn’t leave wreckage behind—trust that. Trust that you don’t need chaos to legitimize clarity. Trust that choosing yourself doesn’t require proof, or permission, or a dramatic ending." The truth is this ending feels like relief.
Beautifully written and explains a very sensitive subject perfectly. I find letting go is the hardest part, after denial then acceptance, it's the natural next step.
I appreciate this so much! I’ve had “friendships” that just disappeared, but there’s a part of me that feels there’s something deeper.
I’ve also held onto or tried to go back to “friendships” that were very clearly over, it just took me years to read the room (Love that picture you showed).
This essay definitely blessed me in a way that will support me in letting go and moving forward while taking personal responsibility.
Beautiful essay--and thank you so much for keeping your Substack free. I particularly love these questions:
"Does this relationship make room for who I’m becoming—or only who I’ve been all these years?
Am I choosing this connection, or just maintaining it?"
And...the wallpaper in your living room is extraordinary.....
It is my pleasure! Thank you for being here.
Thank you for this thoughtful piece. I’m going through a long time friend breakup right now, quietly. It’s felt so good and right for me giving myself the space and time to walk away without an explosion.
Sending love. I know that's hard! You will get to the other side.
This is diagnostic—-and so rarely spoken: “You feel it when conversations start requiring a little more strategy than honesty. When you’re managing the dynamic instead of participating in it. When you leave interactions feeling off, even if nothing “bad” happened.”……And because it’s so rarely explained, it leaves us either stuck—or in guilt, if we dare to leave. Beautiful essay.
Thank you, wow. That means a lot.
I felt this! Thank you!
This road to authenticity is rough! Especially in that liminal space where you know things have changed, but you're not quite to the other side. Thank you friend. ♥️💋
Whew! That is the truth!
I’ve definitely experienced the quiet friendship break ups, Meredith. I decided on those after I answered similar questions, Alex. Also, when I realized my boundaries weren’t being respected in one relationship and another friend didn’t invest the time in our friendship. As I’ve aged I realized I want friendships that lift me up, celebrate me and us, and have a mutual respect.
The gentleness and kindness with which you offer this counsel and observation helps me greatly! For weeks I've been carrying this feeling in my gut about a friend who recently moved away. How to live in this new setting, in which he is so far away geographically, while simultaneously being removed emotionally? Your words help me to release Don and myself, like two birds, to seek new paths.
Sending love to and to who you're parting from. May you both have peace.
“Gratitude and grief can coexist.” Oooof. That hit hard. I was thinking of reaching out to an old friend because I was remembering the good times and ignoring why we stopped talking. I’m glad I read this first. I’ll sit with grief and gratitude instead.
Sit with it all. I'm glad this found you at the right time. xx
Thank you! Your responses are always the cherry on top 🥰
Beautifully written Alex. I remember feeling that way at dinner with a group of friends, no fights, no big blow up, just like I was sitting at the wrong table. Over the years I feel like this is how many of my friendships have ended, that gradual growth and different seasons have led to having nothing in common anymore. Not dramatic, but still sad to reflect on at times. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your words - always. I needed to read/ hear these. I am in the middle of an ending just like this - it imploded, quietly and I didn't even realise it until the last time we met and it felt so off in my body. Yes, perhaps we have reached capacity.
This resonates and is what I am sitting with "If you’re sitting with an ending that didn’t explode, didn’t implode, didn’t leave wreckage behind—trust that. Trust that you don’t need chaos to legitimize clarity. Trust that choosing yourself doesn’t require proof, or permission, or a dramatic ending." The truth is this ending feels like relief.
Beautifully written and explains a very sensitive subject perfectly. I find letting go is the hardest part, after denial then acceptance, it's the natural next step.
Thank you for this. I needed to read this today.
So beautiful. Thank you for sharing this perspective, I relate to it so deeply.
Big love, thank you.
I appreciate this essay. A topic I've been wrestling with. Thank you and good luck with the book launch
Thank you, thank you.
I needed this reminder. This has been a hard season of endings in my life, and it's especially painful to let go of people.
Sending you care and comfort. I can relate. Such a hard season.
Thank you 🙏🏾
I appreciate this so much! I’ve had “friendships” that just disappeared, but there’s a part of me that feels there’s something deeper.
I’ve also held onto or tried to go back to “friendships” that were very clearly over, it just took me years to read the room (Love that picture you showed).
This essay definitely blessed me in a way that will support me in letting go and moving forward while taking personal responsibility.
Thank you 🙏🏽
Blessings!
Much love and blessings to you! I've been there too.
Peace in the natural ebb and flow of friendships. Beautiful essay.
Yes, yes. All praises.