This is so painfully true, it hurts so much more when it's your daughter who has already got more than her share to cope with... in one breath she's asking you for help but her silence is pushing you away and shutting your love out..😢💔
This landed in my inbox just in time. I'm currently estranged from a family member (their choosing) and it's been incredibly hard for me to accept and cope with. My inclination is always to fix things, no matter the sacrifice for myself, and reading this helped validate that, despite the discomfort, my path is OK.
Such a simple, yet incredibly powerful reminder. I’ve been in this dance with a close friend/sister like figure for the last couple of years and I oscillate between this clarity and the feeling that “life is precious and short” and what if something awful happens and regret not “fixing” things. I have moved through that, for the most part, but there are still days when my heart is pulled in that direction. So much time lost as I miss time with her young children and just her too! It’s simultaneously heartbreaking and just “what it is”. Acceptance has been huge for me and I feel more at peace then ever, but shoot, i still miss her 💔
This was a tough lesson for me to learn. There is so much wisdom in this post. What I appreciate the most it doesn't down the person we may need distance from, its simply honoring their space and our own! Beautiful post Alex!
This is so beautifully and calmly written . It well explains the chaos inside me as I let go of someone I deeply love , for them to be happy on their own path .. when we keep trying to help someone and they don’t change this is the only way to stay sane , my mind is taking in the energy from your words and that makes me feel at ease . Thank you 💜
This is such a beautiful reflection. For me, this reminds me of the “it’s not your fault” scene from Good Will Hunting. ❤️ I’ll give this a few re-reads.
Your reflections brought to mind the “near enemies” and “far enemies” concept, originally rooted in Buddhism and further explored by Brené Brown in her profound and groundbreaking work Atlas of the Heart. Brené’s insights highlight how easily we can mistake behaviors that look like compassion but actually create distance, judgment, or control.
It took me years to recognize that truly meaningful connection involves having the courage to simply accompany someone without trying to change or control their path. But it took me even more time to turn that concept toward myself—to realize that I can set boundaries as I need them, not against someone, but for myself, my sanity, and my recovery. It was a profound shift to understand that it’s okay to set boundaries and say no.
Your words serve as a beautiful reminder that setting boundaries is not just about protecting ourselves but also about respecting others’ journeys. We can support people while honoring our own limits, creating space for both compassion and self-care.
This is such a beautiful message. I have a family member that is addicted to drugs and is basically homeless. We reach out to offer help, but she says she wants it then changes her mind at the last minute. It's hard and sad to watch, but I realized a long time ago that this is her choice. I don't want this for her, but I can't change it either. This is such a needed message. I wish more people understood this.
This made me cry as I am the mothering type. It’s something I’m working on and I find it hard. I know your words are true and it’s what I needed to see first thing this morning.
The cosmos needed me to hear this today. Thank you for reminding me in a moment of pain that my self preservation is important and I can’t change what someone doesn’t want to change. Thank you! 💕
This is so painfully true, it hurts so much more when it's your daughter who has already got more than her share to cope with... in one breath she's asking you for help but her silence is pushing you away and shutting your love out..😢💔
This landed in my inbox just in time. I'm currently estranged from a family member (their choosing) and it's been incredibly hard for me to accept and cope with. My inclination is always to fix things, no matter the sacrifice for myself, and reading this helped validate that, despite the discomfort, my path is OK.
It’s a hard lesson to learn when to step back and stop helping. Especially when people ask for help but what they really want is your energy
Such a simple, yet incredibly powerful reminder. I’ve been in this dance with a close friend/sister like figure for the last couple of years and I oscillate between this clarity and the feeling that “life is precious and short” and what if something awful happens and regret not “fixing” things. I have moved through that, for the most part, but there are still days when my heart is pulled in that direction. So much time lost as I miss time with her young children and just her too! It’s simultaneously heartbreaking and just “what it is”. Acceptance has been huge for me and I feel more at peace then ever, but shoot, i still miss her 💔
"Let their journey be their journey" has been beautifully expressed here. Thank you.
What I've learned in 2 years of therapy has been thoroughly explained here.
This was a tough lesson for me to learn. There is so much wisdom in this post. What I appreciate the most it doesn't down the person we may need distance from, its simply honoring their space and our own! Beautiful post Alex!
This is so beautifully and calmly written . It well explains the chaos inside me as I let go of someone I deeply love , for them to be happy on their own path .. when we keep trying to help someone and they don’t change this is the only way to stay sane , my mind is taking in the energy from your words and that makes me feel at ease . Thank you 💜
This is such a beautiful reflection. For me, this reminds me of the “it’s not your fault” scene from Good Will Hunting. ❤️ I’ll give this a few re-reads.
Dear @Alex Elle,
Your reflections brought to mind the “near enemies” and “far enemies” concept, originally rooted in Buddhism and further explored by Brené Brown in her profound and groundbreaking work Atlas of the Heart. Brené’s insights highlight how easily we can mistake behaviors that look like compassion but actually create distance, judgment, or control.
It took me years to recognize that truly meaningful connection involves having the courage to simply accompany someone without trying to change or control their path. But it took me even more time to turn that concept toward myself—to realize that I can set boundaries as I need them, not against someone, but for myself, my sanity, and my recovery. It was a profound shift to understand that it’s okay to set boundaries and say no.
Your words serve as a beautiful reminder that setting boundaries is not just about protecting ourselves but also about respecting others’ journeys. We can support people while honoring our own limits, creating space for both compassion and self-care.
Detachment is so well explained here. I never really thought about it that way. Thank you.
Agree 💯
This came right on time. A confirmation of what I’ve been dealing with with a sibling. “Releasing the need to be a savior”…I’m definitely trying. 🙏🏽
This came at the right time for me, too….trying to “fix” something between two of my sisters.
The thoughtful advice offered here is spot on and I will step back with grace.
This is such a beautiful message. I have a family member that is addicted to drugs and is basically homeless. We reach out to offer help, but she says she wants it then changes her mind at the last minute. It's hard and sad to watch, but I realized a long time ago that this is her choice. I don't want this for her, but I can't change it either. This is such a needed message. I wish more people understood this.
This made me cry as I am the mothering type. It’s something I’m working on and I find it hard. I know your words are true and it’s what I needed to see first thing this morning.
Beautiful words of wisdom to be reminded of; the self care aspect is so important and an individual responsibility 💛✨💛
This is so timely! i needed this! thank you
The cosmos needed me to hear this today. Thank you for reminding me in a moment of pain that my self preservation is important and I can’t change what someone doesn’t want to change. Thank you! 💕