Love is Hard for Me...
but I've grown in it.
You can listen to this newsletter below if you’d like. I haven’t recorded one in a long time! I hope you enjoy.
On so many occasions, love has pleaded with me to put my guard down and let it into my life. It took me years of shutting love out from all angles before I learned to trust myself enough to receive it.
Over the years, I have learned that growing in love means opening the door to the possibility that I am worthy of being loved, held, and cared for—even if it felt foreign for much of my life.
As I heal and deepen the loving relationship I've grown to have with myself, the meaning of love has taken on a new shape. It's welcomed me differently and opened my heart in new ways. Through a lot of trial and error, I've learned that love is about embracing the messy. It's about being open to vulnerability. And for me, it is about feeling seen, safe, and supported in my relationships.
My marriage has been a reminder to hold steady while growing in love. Love is persistent. It shows me repeatedly that it refuses to be ignored or denied. There were so many instances early on in my relationship that I purposely tried to sabotage things. Fear had me in a chokehold. I thought there would be no way I could learn to love because I never knew it growing up. In my book, AFTER THE RAIN, I talk a lot about this and my struggles with coming to terms with being loved and feeling lovable.
What feels grounding these days is the beauty of honesty and patience while on the path through love and self-love. The older I get, the more I welcome love's urgency. It's an invitation to tear down the barriers I have erected and, instead, embrace the vulnerability that comes with opening myself up to its embrace. It beckoned me to surrender to its power, to let go of my fears and insecurities, and to trust in its ability to heal and mend my heart.
Love can be healthy.
Love can be safe.
Love can be true.
What has been so beautiful for me in this season of my life, not just romantically but with my friends and in my motherhood journey, is recognizing the power love has to ignite the darkest corners of my soul. It's illuminated my path forward, asking me to come closer, to witness the reminder that it's possible to create a loving home, relationship, and existence, even if no one taught me how.
Love requires our courage—the courage to let go of our fear of not being enough. It asks us to step into the unknown and risk everything for the chance to experience something truly extraordinary.
Community Question: What has growing in love taught you about yourself? What’s been the hardest part of the journey? What’s becoming easier?
In honor of Valentine's Day, I wanted to share a series with you all that I and Ryan have on Ritual. It's called GROWING IN LOVE. I think you'll enjoy it. You can listen to it below. Let me know what you think! There’s a snippet here, too.
Alex - I loved this line 'What feels grounding these days is the beauty of honesty and patience ' D
Beautiful. Thank you, I felt so identified with all you said, and I’m still in the process of opening up to love, as I tend to push or sabotage every relationship I could have. Thank you for helping me feel understood, and for encouraging me to trust in me and in what could come out of it❤️