The Season I'm In

Giving myself permission to accept the good.

I'm trying to make more space to reflect on how far I've come in my healing. Over the past eleven years, I have done my best to change for the better. To allow myself to not only heal but lean into joy and lightness. To be intentional about what is allowed in my space and what needs to be kept at bay. Healing can feel like such a heavy lift, but giving myself permission to accept the good, the fun, and the happiness that comes with it has been a game-changer. I no longer want healing to be something I do in survival mode. Instead, I want this journey to be a place of lightness, softness, and ease. That's the season I'm in now.

As I continue to embark on this journey, protecting my peace is something I am deeply committed to doing. My healing space no longer feels chaotic. Instead, it feels grounded and easeful. It’s been a long time coming.

Choosing to change, and rewrite my narrative, is creating restoration within my lineage. Healing is an act of community care. Breaking generational cycles that were never mine to hold has been challenging but something I've grown to see as sacred. If not me, then who? I've grown to feel proud about being the matriarch of healing for my lineage. My children will know what love, joy, and emotional stability look and feel like. They'll witness their mother moving through life in energetic abundance versus lack and scarcity.

There are days when I question if I am truly made for the healing and emotional expansion I'm doing. Some days it can feel like I'm healing in circles, and no real change is happening. Self-doubt can be hard to sort through, but it is also a glorious teacher if we allow it to be. Even in my moments of uncertainty, I choose to lean in and learn.

Sometimes, no matter how much healing, growing, and changing we've done, our inner critique can and will rear its head. In these moments, I've learned to remind myself what the truth is. And in the moments that the truth feels hard to recall, I remind myself what I want to be true in my life and legacy.

I'd like to invite us all to start taking more inventory of how we're blooming. Really look at how far your journey has taken you. Celebrate how you've changed in big and small ways. Commune with yourself and look at how you've emotionally matured. Don't just glance at your healing and growth in passing. Take a good hard look at the beauty you're creating. Don't just glance at it.

If you need more support in seeing yourself positively, call someone that reflects your truth back to you. If there's someone in your life that you love, trust, and can be your mirror, allow them to show up for you and be the reflection you need. As my mom used to say, sometimes people can see us better than we can see ourselves. Having people in our lives who we feel safe with act as a mirror is magnificent. 

Recently, I asked myself, how have you changed? The transformations that have made me most grateful and proud are: 

1. I no longer stay in unhealthy relationships because I think I have no choice. When I realized that I had a voice and could advocate for myself by letting go, speaking up, and moving on, my life got better. Parting ways isn't easy. Some people I had to walk away from I loved deeply. But staying in relationships (be it romantic, platonic, or familial) that are not energetically aligned or emotionally safe causes more harm than good. I'm grateful I learned I don't have to stay in harmful or dysfunctional connections.

2. I stopped holding myself hostage to my mistakes. Punishing myself for my past and things I can't change was something I often did. I struggled to move on from my missteps because of shame and guilt. I'm grateful I've learned to give myself grace and space to be flawed and human—every shortcoming has birthed a lesson.

3. I allow myself to be fully loved and seen. For many years, I thought I was not worthy of love, especially from myself. Self-love was foreign to me. There was a lot of messaging and conditioning in my life that told me I wasn't worthy. I'm grateful I've learned how to receive and give healthy love. I'm so thankful that there are people in my life who see me, care for me, and love me deeply.

Community Questions/Journal Prompts (leave a comment below): 

1. What things on your path/journey are you grateful for? 

2. When you're having moments of self-doubt, how do you shake it?

3. Who in your life is a mirror for you?

4. List five ways you've changed, healed, and grown over the years?

5. How have you bloomed so far in 2023?